closet confession: exploring expense

So I've decided on something else I want to explore or personally track with this blog. My spending habits and specifically how I spend on material things. In my first few years of living in New York, I've spent well beyond what I've normally spent annually on clothes and entertainment. And that's a lot especially for someone who doesn't booze much. I suppose there are more delightful objects and clothes in my environment than there ever before. Not to mention the marketing in this town is over the top whimsical and romancing at times. Not to mention my constant reading of blogs covering: jackets, shirts, shoes, denim, sweaters, sweatshirts, bags, little carved objects, books, magazines, salamis, cheeseburgers, the perfect french fry, coffee, music, sunglasses, pads of paper, pencils, etc. I am a consumer in a consuming town.

Lately, I question my passions for this past time of shopping. I have more financial resources than I have in a long while, and yet here I am, near broke. And worse, nothing in my possessions to be all that happy about it. Or, I am without the other passions in life which would distract me or fulfill me in my spare time. I used to have a lot of fun in life having never spent a dime. What happened to that? Kicking cans against a wall, throwing rocks with all my might, making movies, making messes, making out, making music, making travel plans, making it all up and marching along without a care in the world what clothes were on my back so long as it wasn't yellow because yellow is just not my color.

Lastly, I am looking at my living space, and realizing in New York, one has very little room to collect impulses. And I have a serious fear of hoarding. Look, I'm no fcking saint.  And I'm sure the next bonus check I get I will out there looking for my dream chambray shirt or 40/60 parka to celebrate. But right now, I'm just checking myself. Post break-up, post tax season, post-caring for my family back home, post-op on my dog (did I mention I have a pup?)...all this stuff got so dang expensive. And it's all inspired me to clean up my act, starting with cleaning out my closet. And I'm realizing that the departure of so many material things will never amount to the emotional departure of the things in my life I truly care about.

This is not trying to be one heck of a terrible sales pitch. This is no sob story either and I'm not trying to win any sympathy in order to score an extra bid on one of my listings. Because I'm not on here to sell you a bunch of crap. This is my stuff, which I truly had a love for and appreciate and enjoyed at one point.  I mean, how many waxed-cotton green jackets do I need? And this is my closet confession: some of this stuff I never even wore or touched beyond taking the tags off or once around the block. And that makes me feel humbly shameful. Right now, I'm just re-evaluating. Cleaning up. Taking care of my puppy (don't worry, my house nor my stuff smells like dog. I am crazy OCD, anally retentive about cleanliness). Taking care of family matters. Tackling debts. Maybe it will help with seller's remorse. All honestly, I'm just recording. I'd really like to see how much stuff I can get out of my apartment, how much stuff can I live without. Will I even miss any of this stuff? (If I do, I can secretly revisit it here). I think it will be interesting to see the things that come and go materialistically and what impacts or growths they mark in my life. All I think about is this: I truly don't give a damn how much a person makes, but I truly admire how much a person can save. Jocelyn Davis, you're my hero.

I wasn't lying about my dog. ;) This is my little girl, Cheeseburger.